Friday's Letters

Dear creak in the floor,
Thank you for always appearing just at the moment when Carter has fallen asleep. I love it when I step on you and Carter's eyes shoot open and our entire routine is sabotaged.

Dear local ice cream place,
This is NOT soft serve.

I don't really know what this watery mess with sprinkles dumped on top is, but it's not what I wanted. Where is my swirly peak?

Dear breakfast,
I actually like you now. These Vi shakes are delish. Eggs still make me want to puke though, so I won't be having them for you any time soon.

Dear Real World,
I'm back. I've taken a long break since your Austin season (what was that, 10 years ago or so?) I'm back because you took all the beauts to the place me and the husband honeymooned. It's entertaining to see all of our fave spots defiled and puked on. Dear Laura, stop being so clingy, it's weird. Dear Trey, stop thinking you're such the man, it's annoying. Dear everyone else, I think you're awesome--yeah, even you, Boston Brandon (except, if I may, Robb, I've been meaning to tell you when you broke the phone on your head that was kind of awkward. You're bordering on Boston Brandon's journal kind of weird).

Dear Dr. Scholl's Fast Flats,
Thank you for existing. You have saved my life my feet on numerous occasions. For some reason I always insist on wearing heels like these

and these

but I'm not used to them because I don't wear them every day while toting Carter around (because that would be insane).

Dear Queen Helene,

What???

Someone enlighten me, please.


Your's Truly,